don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
