My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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