Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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