It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize