apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
