just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
