Cold hands, warm shart.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
