The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
