the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
