Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
zippers are such a cool invention
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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