That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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