Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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