from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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