His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
