no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
