i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just found puke in my bra..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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