never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize