I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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