oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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