For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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