your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
