I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
