Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
