I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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