I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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