yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
