Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
