Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So here I am, sexting at work.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
