my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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