dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
