Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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