i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
