whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
