He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
