The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
