I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
