i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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