my mouth tastes like poor choices
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
