Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Are my feet made of real feet?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
