Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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