My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
