I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
