It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Your cock deserves a montage
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
