at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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