I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
