Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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