i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
