Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So much rum. So many feels.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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