are you still at the devil's house?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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