you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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