So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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