we're chasing vodka with high fives
just tell him i said nine months
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she told me i tasted like america
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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