my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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