God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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