"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
