he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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