Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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