My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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