i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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