My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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