PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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