Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
