Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
