My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
