No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
