my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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