please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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