recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
