I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the day after is always just damage control
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
