I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
