How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
