I can tuck mytits in my pants
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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