[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
