My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize