Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
