why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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