its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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