I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
