Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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