Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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