Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
