For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
