it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
