I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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