And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
