i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
