I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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