Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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