and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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